Losing a Friend.

Having to lose a friend is never easy.

To me, a friend who used to be a Dear to me, and suddenly just lost it like that, is a heart break to me. It's almost like a break up, and could take months/years to heal. I know, I don't look like someone who cares about losing a friend. But the inner side of me, is actually a very attached person. Once I like a person, it takes time to "unlike" and forget. Surface is what you see, but you don't judge me by my hard cover.

It's true that it's not a matter how long you know the person, or how well you truly know the person, but it's how much good and bad memories you two share together.

Someone who can "click" with me, is not easy to find, as I'm not someone who is born with the friendly blood. It's only FATE if I can click with one without much "masking" on the face. Fatefully yours. I treasure each and every one who has been through thin and thick with me, thou I may not voice it out. But in my heart, I feel really blessed and lucky. :)

I may not be the best someone you go shopping with, or the best someone you go clubbing with. But I know, when my friends need me during their down times, I will be there. I don't mind writing a song or two for you when you needed some encouragement. I m ok to be a clown to make you laugh during your down times. And I'm not someone to count to the nearest dollar and cent with my friends. But if you are one of those who diedie must count to every single cent with me, then I may do the same to you lar. I always believe that there is no equality or fair share between good friends. Sometimes you win a little, sometimes you lose a little. It's like that. That's what makes a relationship balanced.

I can be stubborn at times, or rudely show my impatience at times, but I won't hold any grudges lar. Sleep, wake up and its a brand new day! Noone is perfect. Everyone has their flaws, even your chosen partner.

Yes, friends come and go, some merely left footsteps, some walked the your journey with you. Some footsteps trails are longer, some are shorter, but every trails of footsteps have their stories to tell.

Some friends move on happy without you, some stay with you - no matter what. If it's their happier choice, I wish them love and happiness. Sometimes, feelings change. Relationships have a different turn in direction. Sometimes more suitable people come into your life and you drop your old friends along the way. I guess that is part & parcel of life which I have to learn to move on.

There is no "forever", as much as many people hope it could exist. Just be glad you were blessed with such a good friend once. 

A song for all my lost friends who were once very very dear to me. :) It's a pity we can't be Best Friends Forever, like what we thought we could till end of time. I will definitely still smile at the good and silly, but fond memories that we have shared, even when I'm sharing them with my grand children. Now, it's time to let go, give my heart a little time to heal the pain, and bid goodbye to you. I wish life treats you good and bless you with all the happiness you've ever deserved.

Till then...

I wish you love. 

I wish you bluebirds in the Spring, To give your heart a song to sing; And then a kiss, but more than this I wish you love. And in July, a lemonade, To cool you in some leafy glade; I wish you health and more than wealth, I wish you love.
My breaking heart and I agree That you and I could never be, So with my best, my very best, I set you free. I wish you shelter from the storm, A cozy fire to keep you warm; But most of all, when snowflakes fall, I wish you love.

37 weeks - near to the final lap.

It's getting bigger, and cramped inside. Dr Ho said "Anytime". But i was hoping Manfred will pop out when he is ready, like 3kg-3.5kg.

Last night his daddy suddenly hugged me and said "I can't wait for Manfred to come out... Can we go Dr Ho there and ask him to induce?" LOL. Can you imagine MY FACE. >..< Hee.

I think I'm mentally ready. Anytime. I just pray for a "more convenient" signal from the boy. Manfred baby, give mummy a good signal ok?

I enjoyed all the trimesters thru out, hmm, but recently, when the aches all start kicking in, it's really a little tough for me. Not as agile. Can't walk with grace, like a swan. Not as energetic. Fatigue is the only word to describe my daily life, no matter where I am, or what I'm doing... I'm always tired nowadays. I can sleep-in until noon on weekends. But after washing up, I'm tired again, and there, I collapsed on the bed again, before I even could have a decent lunch.  Brunch.  I M TIRED. It feels like M-O-N-D-A-Y everyday. I have never felt so sucky at work, seriously. I love my job and everything else, but now, the fatigue is causing me to drag to work. What's causing me the fatigue, seriously? Manfred baby? He needs more rest? But I don't have the intention to take pre-Maternity Leave, so I will work until Manfred pops. So from now till then, I will continue to stone in office with a blank look and mind.

Did I mention Manfred's wriggly kicks and punches more often nowadays, making me wriggle in my seat too? Sometimes he is trying to push his head out, can feel the heavy pressure down there. And I will ask him "Son, u sure u r ready??" And then he will think think about it, and stopped. Hee! Of coz, my stomach feels really bloated and heavy now. Pls, don't ask me to walk up any sloppy angles if you still wanna stay alive. hah! 

Daddy was silently hoping that Manfred could pop on his birthday, 5th July. Hmm, I have no preference, so long as Manfred is healthy and ready!! His mummy is ready anytime from now. :D

We have packed the hospital bag, and have bought most of the stuff required. The only thing I may have a little regret, is that I should have maybe gotten a double pump. Heard from many mummies and read from forums that double pump really help to save A LOT of time and effort. But well, we shall see how... see if Daddy is sweeeeet enough lor... *Hint* Yap, the sum is Woohoo too!

Ok, share a silly thing I would do from now until Manfred is here. Every night, I straighten/blow nice nice my hair before I sleep. So just in case Manfred wanna pop in the middle of the night, I have nicer hair to deliver him. Ok... lame. BUT, it's for photo-taking purpose lar. No vain mummy would want to take picture with your new born with like hair sticking out from EVERYWHERE right??! So, it does makes sense actually. Teeheehee~ So I was thinking along the "Murphy's law" and maybe, just that ONE NIGHT when I'm too tired to kiap my hair straight before I sleep, Manfred will decide to say "Hello" that early, very early morning. And if he does that, the first thing i would do when he pops out, i will smack his butt gao gao to settle the 私人恩怨 i have with him first.

I've been drinking cooling stuff and coconut water nearly daily, hoping for a "cleaner" and easier delivery. And maybe "somemore" durians, hoping Manfred could grow bigger. Still, sashimi and beer are out of reach... even after Manfred pops, as I will (may) be breastfeeding him.

18 days to EDD! :D

Yes, I'm looking forward! Just nice, my jobs on hands at work are 99% completed. So yup, I won't be taking in new jobs already.

Yay! Until then... :)

U know you want to, but you can't...

A lot of things have changed during this transition period, and I dont ask you to accept me for who I am or how I look now.

Sometimes you just want to accept the person for who they are, but its just so... not easy. You would ask, what happened to the person I've married less than a year ago.

The crazy amount of weight I have gained, near 20kg, and the impossible-to-finish-counting stretch marks that happily leeched on my tummy, I know.. are just a bigbig turnoff and its also your huge worry if they will follow me for life. They may. Oh, and my cannot-find-my-neck bloated face too. (Scary eh.)

The aching in the bones, especially the pelvis bones, made me have to walk like some old Penguins, although I'm trying my best to walk like I'm on some runway... but Epic Fail - its clumsy and Not cute. (lol)

Im getting so clumsy now, ever since last Monday when my pelvis bone starts aching. I can't even wear my shorts properly (after bath) as my legs cannot be carried up higher than the knee level and the worst, my big tummy dis-enable me to bend forward. So I have to wear like this - Bend my upper body as low as I can, right hand holding the shorts freely hang in the air at about knee level, trying to "one-try" and fit my right leg into that hole, and then change hand, same level or lower, "one-try" and fit my other leg in. Sometimes it takes more than 2 tries. And sometimes I lost my balance and hopped a bit. All because of the pelvis aches.

So clumsy of me, that I don't even wished you would see it happening. That's why I would always locked the room door when Im changing and you are outside of the room. Then I would, comfortably, sit on the bed, and try to wear my pants/shorts taking my own sweet time. In the room, it's still ok, at least I can sit on the bed for more comfort. But in the bathroom - Argh, its another different story.

When I woke up from bed, I hate to let you see that side of me too. I totally have to limp to the toilet in the most awkward manner you cant imagine. And my finger bony joints are painful too, they cant hold tight to something, coz when I bend them together, ouch! My fingertips cant touch my palm. I have the infamous Buter Fingers now. And that was why I accidentally dropped you iPhone yesterday during breakfast. And u gave me that angry stare and asked me "What are you doing?" I knew, at that point of time, I dont have to explain much. I just kept quiet and ate my sandwich. Coz you wouldnt understand, and would just categorize my reason for an excuse.

I always hate letting people see the weak side of me. My smile and and loud laughters often cover it. And I hope you dont get to see them as well. But I cant hide what is obvious on my surface.

People said being pregnant is beautiful, I dont know where did that come from. haha. But nevertheless, my love for Manfred Baby stays. Jiayou Baby, in 19 days to come! We will PUSH together.

It's a Blink-A-Blink Weekend!

This weekend ZOOMS passed.
Too fast.

Maybe becoz you're coming soon.

A few highlights - I found my coconuts! @ Kovan Hawker. Yes, those GREEN OLD COCONUTS! The water is not sweet - compared to those small thai ones. But its better for BB, becoz its cooling, and I m having ulcer. :(

And then Yujing finally got her new desktop from Sim lim! Woohoo! She is one very lucky girl, maybe that is the best part of being the single child.

For today, we had 126 Geylang Dim Sim for lunch, my favourite!!! Expensive but nice.

And guess what, after craving for Mao Shan Wang for the whole week, and Manfred's daddy is not willing to oblige to the request.... My dad bought 2 boxes without me complaining to him. WOOHOO! Father knows best. Its shiokmax! With the seeds, as slim as... 1/3 of a iPhone depth. Nice~~~ I wanted to only have 2 seeds, but ended up... erm .. *guilty look*

The BBQ for Michael Fong's farewell was really nice. :) Though the attention is on Manfred, most of the time. : ) Everyone is so excited about Manfred.

We are going to see manfred tmr at Doc Ho! And gonna listen to your heartbeat o!

You are a full term baby!

I want to think like a child...

When I'm not at work. When I'm on my own, when I'm at home.... I wanna think like how a child would think, given her God given innocence.

I hope to see things from another perspective. I m learning to trust and not to judge, to be honest, and kind.

I can be hurt by others, but I don't wan to pay back to others who hurt me. I just wanna move on after seeing someone's true colors.

While growing up, especially when started to work in the society, our minds grow faster and stronger, but it's more on how to take things to our advantage given that we are all working in a battlezone. Whoever wins, whoever survives.

Now that I have Manfred, I wan to clear my mind all over and start thinking anew.

Some things I can't do....

Like wearing my shorts after bathe. I can't do it so normally anymore. I have to do it in a painful and awkward manner. Super hate it. I wished I can just wear a towel go into the room, sit on the bed and do all these. Sometimes I lose balance while trying to wear the stupid shorts. And I hopped a few steps.

I cant bend forward to pick something from the floor, I do it by using my toes to kiap.

I can't massage my legs on my own le. And I feel freaking blessed when daddy do that for me. Though it wasn't like frequent everyday thing, I feel loved when he remembered.

Alright I'm freaking tired and cannot type properly le. Good night

My first own-made Facebook cover page

After some procrastination, here goes. :)

Im proud of myself. Not exactly the best I can come out with, but with the energy level vs fatigue level in me now, I think this is somewhere near very "zai" already. I love!

I am so proud of myself. Nice hor? :D:D

Oh, anyway I have got huge cravings for pizza and wings last night, and daddy brought us to Pizza Hut for a late dinner. So love him to bits! There was like 1-for-1 promotion, so it was really worth it, and Pizza Hut's service has definitely improved a big step, at least I feel so at the Kovan outlet.

My baby, U r coming out soon o, in less than a month. *Breathe in, Breathe out* So excited. But i havent seen the mucus plug yet leh. So maybe still not so soon.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

It's been 10 days!

Daddy has been nicotine free for 10 days. I'm so proud of him. I'm sure Manfred is too!

u r manfred's champion dad!

For someone who has smoked for 15 years, it's really not easy to not touch, but once u r firm in quitting, noone can tempt u. Same thing, if u dun wan to quit, noone can help u.

It's fresh air every morning! I don't mind waking up early to prepare brekkie for him as a reward. But he's a fussy brekkie person. He doesn't like sandwich( the easiest to prepare ma). Even if he is OK with sandwich, it has to be egg mayo type. Or Ham cheese egg sandwich... those that need some time to prepare one. Not that I complaining, as long as he has a good brekkie.

My prata egg that I have been procastinating.. I will cook tmr!

Have been feeling really tired these two days. Pelvis bones starting to hurt. Didn't sleep well. A lot of things on mind. No breaktime for my busy brain. And maybe it's the light. Have been sleeping with bedside lamp on. Somehow I will feel more secured with the lighting.

Manfred is coming anytime. I m so excited and nervous. Ah!

Baby, I seriously am contradicting! I wanna see u so badly. But I'm gonna miss u badly too. Aiyo!

OK la, u stay inside until ur ready. And most preferably at 3.5kg OK?

I love u. Muacks!

Manfred is engaged.

My baby is in his position, I mean his "ready - get set go!" position.

Doc Ho pressed on my tummy and he said, its engaged. I was like "huh"? So fast?

But Manfred is not growing enough leh. Baby ah, u have to be at least 3.5kg when u pop out k? OK?

I'm starting to feel the dull ache in my pelvis bones.:( But on the bright side, it's ok. It means Manfred is ready. :) yay!

Anytime from now. I'm waiting to welcome my little precious.

Manfred, mummy loves u.

My first Bak Kut Teh!

And it was a success! At least the ME with high expectations for myself think it's nice. I oredi planned to go downstairs and the BKT then replace with mine if it's screwed. But surprisingly, it smells heavenly.

My recipe:
everything can be found at Fairprice.

1. Pork prime ribs 2 packets (house brand)
2. SEAH spice premix
3. Garlic 8 mini clusters
4. Pepper
5. Salt and sugar

How to do:
1. I've actually marinated the pork ribs the night before. Wash clean then rub salt on them. Put it in zip lock bag, and fridge them.

2. OK, morning comes and I take out the ribs from the fridge. Wash again, remove excessive salt. Boil the ribs for 5 min to remove dirty stuff. Add sugar, help to tenderize the meat. Soft soft meat later!

3. Rinse the pork with cold water. Let cool.

4. Prepare the pot u need to boil the soup. Add A little bit of oil. Really like one teaspoon only as the pork will produce oil to your soup later. Chop one mini garlic and fry till fragrant. Add in the pork and fry a min.

5. Add about 1.5l of water. Add spice premix. Bring pot to boil.

6. Add the rest of the garlic in tact with the skin on. Of course, wash first.

7. OK, then on slow heat, simmer soup for an hour or so. You will smell the heavenly bkt in your whole house. That was how my bro in law woke up.

8. 5 min before u serve, add pepper to taste. Depends how spicy you want it.

Optional: u can add beancurd skin and taopo. Or some cabbage leaves. Look more fulfilling.

Tadah! you will one nice BKT waiting.

I'm so proud of myself. :)

Happy Fathers Day!

baby, if you were to come out before today, Daddy would be able to spend his FIRST Father's Day! :)

But its ok lar, daddy feel your presence anyway. Since its Father's Day, mummy is gonna write about my daddy, your gong gong.

You know baby, since young, i was brought up in an environment that my daddy was the "weakest" person in the family, he has no say in anything, coz the "power" goes to my mum. He was always behind my mum. My brothers said he has always been a coward, always behind my mum. And since young, I was brought up with the mentality, and so not much respect was given fairly to my dad.

Gradually when I grow up, and I started working, my thoughts become more mature, and due to external influences from friends, colleagues, and other factors, I learn to see things from another perspective, and that is how I change my view of my father only recently. In fact, I think he is the strongest man in the family, with the strongest mentality.

My father is not an educated person, but I can say he is a successful man. From nothing, nothing at all, he builds up his business with sharing from other partners, but later on failed, and he fights alone, and now he is still maintaining his business at 74 years old. From no knowledge at all, he is good at managing his investments - stocks and shares. That is where the money source comes from, for our above-average living standards at home.

With a degree education, I may not be able to earn what he had earned and invested in his life time.

Sometimes I wonder, why isn't he a wonder dad to his children? They always say mean things about him, but in actual fact, he had accomplished things that all of them are never capable of.


1. He pays for ALL our things and education. He never said things like "You want, you go work and get it yourself lor." He gave me my pocket allowance (when I was till schooling) on time, never missed a day. He even trusted me to give me and my 3rd brother a sub credit card. But of course, I have never betrayed his trust on that. I guess its a mutual trust and respect thing.

2. He loves my mum, beyond words can describe. If there is already no love, at least his responsibility as a husband stays very strong. My mother is horrendous when she throws her tantrums. She yells, shouts, threatens, fights, throw things, totally no respect for the husband. But ALL the times, my dad gives in. EVERY TIME. How many men can do that? Even now when my mum has slight dementia case and she forgets things and gets violent sometimes (when she has false illusions), my dad stays with her. He doesn't do things that my mum doesn't like. He stopped smoking. He stopped gambling. He doesn't have a life of his own. When he is not working, he is at home with mum. He always comes back after work then bring her for dinner, although 80% she will throw tantrums over dinner. He stays with her and "let her win" under all scenario. Seriously I dunno how many men can do that.

Men nowadays cant even stand a niam-ing wife, let allow a wife who forgets easily and tend to have false illusions then gets violent.

3. As a father, he has never given us any pressure at all. Ok, i dunno is that good or bad. Maybe his role as a father, to him, is to be able to buy us what we want. He is a man who had gone through quite a bit in life, and someone who has got alot to share to others. But he is gonna tell you his 福海大厦story... and a looooonnnnggggg one. haha!

4. He is always cheerful and positive. He is always smiley. Sometimes, i wonder how he does that. He is always happy to see us. He is always OK with whatever foods we want to bring him to. Mister OK is his nick.

I think, for the 4 bench marks above, not many men can be anywhere close.

My mother is lucky to have married a man who fulfilled his vow.

And, that's why I think my dad is super extraordinary.

Happy Fathers' Day.

29 days to go...

And hello, manfred baby.

Wow... finally we are in our final month of being as ONE. I hope it was a pleasant journey for you and hope you had as much fun as I have had these 9 months.

Yup, 9 months already, but sometimes I still cant believe that I'm gonna be a mother. Every time when I walked pass a mirror or something that reflects my tummy, there is this "amazing" feeling inside me as I thought to myself, "my baby is inside".

As much as I wanna protect you and for as long as I could, you are gonna be independent in a few weeks to come. The moment will come when the both of us are gonna work really hard together and PUSH! I know I can only help you that much to PUSH, but u have to JIAYOU too. Hope daddy can be there to encourage us through.

Im getting really nervous. I dunno like how will you send me the signal. Will it be my water bag burst, or "the show", or stomach pain contractions??

Manfred bb, can you be so nice to hint me via "the show", instead of water bag burst? Or maybe starting with some mild contractions also can lar.

Today daddy and i have packed the hospital bag (Part 1). Mummy forgot to get the disposable panties, need to get them soon, like maybe tmrw. And while I was packing your stuff, I realised you would only have 3 sets of clothes to inter-change until u r 3 months old, then u would have more clothes. Aiyo, why mummy so blurrr! Ok, need to get more clothes for you, else you're really gonna wrap towel liao. Sugaraunt can sponsor your towels, she said. More sexy! haha! Anyway Im still contemplating whether to let you wear diapers or cloth diapers, then ask confinement auntie to wash. hehe!

Thinking back, my mentality has always been very traditional kind and follow the "old wives" way, until recently, I have a different view to things. You know they said during confinement, mummies not allowed to blow fan, bathe, wash hair, on air con.. blablabla. I used to be very confident that I can fulfill all.. but not now. Singapore's weather is SO HOT, how not to on aircon??? How not to bathe? Maybe ask confinement aunty to boil the herbal water for mummy to bathe and wash hair lor. And not on-ing aircon is NO-NO! Imagine you are gonna latch on mummy, and im all so sweaty. Eeeek!! So unhygienic for my baby! >,,< How can?

Actually still thinking if I wanna do confinement at 婆婆 place or 奶奶 place. Hmm... Not like both your grandmothers (maternal/paternal) will be very helpful, or to help in confinement.

These are my thoughts...

If I stay at 奶奶 place:

1. I dunno how clean or not clean is the confinement aunty, if she makes a mess out of the kitchen, your 奶奶 is not gonna be very pleased.

2. Im sure Im gonna on the aircon - 24/7. Yes, WHOLE DAY! or maybe at best, MOST of the day... I think your 奶奶 is gonna faint. I will fork out money to pay for the electricity bills, of course. But still.. you know...

3. I feel bad that ah zhuang shushu gotta let the confinement aunty sleep in his room, and he gotta sleep in the living room. So ke lian.


If I stay at 婆婆 place:


1. I can on air-con, confinement aunty can sleep in the extra bed room, noone has to sleep in the living room, and my mum is not very particular about a sparkling clean kitchen.

2. Your 二舅母 can drop by often to see see look look. Maybe cook some delicious confinement foods for me!

3. BUT, THERE IS ONLY ONE PROBLEM... AND THE PROBLEM IS WE DUNNO THE PROBLEM (yet)! because you know 婆婆 has a little bit of a dementia case, so we dunno when will she have false illusions and go "mad" again. Sigh! And this can be the biggest threat of all challenges. Imagine if that happens, we will have to pack our bags to leave, and return to 奶奶 place. Aiyo!


Very poor thing hor. Not like many new-mummies whereby their mummies (maternal side) will take care of their daughters during confinement. Your Mummy has to be very independent and learn quickly how to take care of you. When the confinement aunty leaves after one month, its only mummy and you at home. hah! U have to be a good boy ok? U know im not fabulous with kids, especially new born. I havent even carried one yet! You are so gonna be the FIRST new born that I carry. :P 有没有一点怕怕。Ok lar, give your mummy some trust. Hello, maternal instinct leh!

And yes, Im gonna discuss the above issue with your daddy and see his opinions.

Oh, by the way, Daddy has quit smoking for 6 days... going to be a WEEK soon! Yuppie, we are so proud of him. Really. Daddy, you r manfred's champion dad! Continue with your determination and willpower ok? The first thing when you see manfred, you are gonna kiss him and said "hi baby, i've quit smoking." Anyway, manfred has been taking in your second and third hand smoke for the past 8 months you know.

YOU OWE US COCONUTS. haha!

Yes, I've forgotten to drink COCONUT water, which i should have started during my 8th month! Ahhh!! Daddy, we wanna drink coconut water tmr. Those bigbig green color coconuts, not the thai small small ones ok?

Oh, on a side note, Im gonna cook Bah ku Teh tmrw, since daddy has craving for it after his bball session tmr.

P.S.. as I stopped here to feel bb manfred, he is so quiet in my tummy, ahh, must be sleeping already. But his two limbs were like stretched out position, can feel the 2 lumps on the sides of my tummy. So I slightly shake him up a little. He closed back his open limbs and continue to sleep, i suppose. SO CUTE NEH~~

Okie, shall write more again. Going to read bed time story for my boy, since his daddy is not around. :P

Good night.

Daddy said...

He is gonna QUIT SMOKING!


It's a little doubtful, coz it was an impulsive commitment  during an argument.

But nevertheless, when he reached his 17th hours without tobacco, I was very very proud of him. I hope he can persevere, but on the other hand, when I see him feeling so bad and suffering from all these withdrawal symptoms, I had this urge to ask him to give up quitting. Worse comes worst, its Manfred and me suffering his second hand smoke only mah. No big deal.

But I know if he can get through this, he has reached another BIG achievement in life. It's a legend he can tell his children, brag to them next time.

Actually I dont have the 101% confidence he can make it, because I dont want to have disappointing results later on. But, no matter what, as long as he is still on the journey to QUIT, I will be understanding and be there to SUPPORT HIM throughout, come what may.

It's gonna be VERYVERYVERY tough for him these couple of days. I hope he can make it.