Cramps aka false contractions

Bad bad cramps last night. Lower abdomen and more to the left side. Somehow the breathing technique that I picked up at the pre natal course helps to relax abit. I tell myself if I could fall asleep then it's prolly not labour contractions. And I did. And this morning when i told daddy, he forbade me to go work. Rest at home. I mean work from home. :(

Manfred, u have to be good boy ok.

It's 32!

And it's the time I think I need a lot of support and love. I feel excited yet anxious. I dunno like exactly when is Manfred arriving to this world. And when it comes I dunno where will I be...what should I do. U know... like wat if my water burst, or this or that.

The Harmones are driving me up the wall. I get upset over the small things easily. And I dun get enough sleep. And I'm always tired. And I wake up in the middle of the nights due to terrible aches under my ribcage. I have very weird dreams, sometimes scary ones. My brain doesn't stop at night.

I worry bout things at work too. I realise I'm not that productive anymore. When I meet with tough choices, my mind is not as quick as last time, to manage the situation, sometimes I feel even causing stress to Manfred. And when I'm not around for the two months, I thought I could be easily replaced by others. And thinking bout it now, two months seem too short. Only have got 2 months of full attention with my son... then I will only be seeing him like few hours after work. I so wanna be a stay home mum now. I guess I will miss him like mad at work. And, still I'm not ready to perform well in my role of the head of team. :(

Sometimes the mental guilt crawls in when I have this love-hate relationship with my boy. Like, the stretchmarks, the sleepless nights when he is over active. Actually I dun mind him enjoying himself playing inside me but sometimes there are times when it's late and the fatigue comes in all together. And I can get a lil pissed off. Also, since his arrival into my tummy, I dont feel attractive anymore. The bump is there, I feel clumsy like hippo.

But Oh yes, I still love Manfred deep down, and I still love my hubby too, who is there for me, for a preggy wife. Just that the hormones now, especially in the third trimester, craves n whines for a more affectionate hubby more than ever, to kill the insecurities and all. but actually he is pretty up to standard already...

Two more months... thrilled n scared... Its another kinda life.